IV
“WHO AM I?” - ENQUIRY
For all thoughts the source is the ‘I-thought’. The mind will
merge only by Self-enquiry ‘Who am I?’ The thought ‘Who
am l?’ will destroy all other thoughts and finally kill itself
also. If other thoughts arise, without trying to complete them,
one must inquire to whom did this thought arise. What does it
matter how many thoughts arise? As each thought arises one
must be watchful and ask to whom is this thought occurring.
The answer will be ‘to me’. If you inquire ‘Who am I?’ the
mind will return to its source (or where it issued from). The
thought which arose will also submerge. As you practice like
this more and more, the power of the mind to remain at its
source is increased.
By means of a moderate quantity of satvic(pure) food,
which is superior to all other rules and regulations of self
discipline, the satvic or pure quality of the mind will grow
and Self-inquiry will be helped.
Though ancient and timeless sense attachments in the
shape of vasanas(subtle tendencies) may rise countless like
the waves of the sea, they will all be destroyed as dhyana
progresses. Without giving any room for doubt whether it
would at all be possible to eradicate all those vasanas and be
the Self alone, one must take hold ceaselessly of dhyana of the
Self. However great a sinner one may be, instead of lamenting
‘I am a great sinner, how can I make any progress?’ one must
completely forget the fact of being a sinner and earnestly pursue meditation of Self. He is then sure to succeed.
If the ego is present, all else will also exist. If it is absent,
all else will also vanish. As ego is all this, to inquire what this
ego is, is to give up all attachment.
Controlling speech and breath, and diving deep within
oneself, as a man dives into water to recover something that
has fallen there, one must find out the source whence the ego
rises, by means of keen insight.
Inquiry, which constitutes the path of jnana, consists not
in orally repeating ‘I’ ‘I’, but in searching by means of a deeply
introverted mind where from the ‘I’ springs. To think ‘I am not
this’ or ‘I am that’ may be of help in the inquiry, but cannot
be the actual inquiry.
When we quest within our mind ‘Who am I?’ and reach
the Heart, ‘I’ topples down and immediately another entity will
reveal itself proclaiming ‘I-I’. Even though it also emerges
saying ‘I’, it does not connote the ego, but the One Perfect
Existence.
If we unceasingly investigate the form of the mind, we
find there is no such thing as the mind. This is the direct path
open to all.
Thoughts alone constitute the mind, and for all thoughts
the base or source is the ‘I-thought’. ‘I’ is the mind. If we go
inward questing for the source of the ‘I’, the ‘I’ topples down.
This is the jnana enquiry.
Where the ‘I’ merges, another entity emerges as ‘I-I’ of its
own accord. That is the Perfect Self.
There is no use removing doubts. If we clear one doubt another arises and there will be no end of doubts. All doubts
will cease only when the doubter and his source have been
found. Seek for the source of the doubter, and you find he is
really nonexistent. Doubter ceasing, doubts will cease.
Reality being yourself, there is nothing for you to realize.
All are regarding the unreal as real. What is required is that
you give up regarding the unreal as real. The object of all
meditation (dhyana) or japa is only that, to give up all thoughts
regarding the non-self, to give up many thoughts and to hold
on to one thought. The object of all sadhana is to make the
mind one-pointed, to concentrate it on one thought and thus
exclude our many thoughts. If we do this, eventually even
the one thought will go and the mind will get extinguished
in its source.
When we inquire within ‘Who am I?’ the ‘I’ investigated
is the ego. It is that which makes vichara(enquiry) also. The
Self has no vichara. That which makes the inquiry is the ego.
The ‘I’ about which the inquiry is made is also the ego. As
the result of the inquiry the ego ceases to exist and only the
Self is found to exist.
What is the best way of killing the ego? To each person
that way is best which appears easiest or appeals the most.
All the ways are equally good, as they lead to the same goal,
which is the merging of the ego in the Self. What the bhakta
calls surrender, the man who does vichara calls jnana. Both
are trying to take the ego back to the source from which it
sprang and make it merge there.
To ask the mind to kill itself is like making the thief the policeman. He will go with you and pretend to catch the thief,
but nothing will be gained. So you must turn inward, and see
from whence the mind rises and then it will cease to exist.
Breath and mind arise from the same source and when one
of them is controlled the other is also controlled. As a matter
of fact, in the quest method - which is more correctly ‘Whence
am I?’ and not merely ‘Who am I?’ - we are not simply trying
to eliminate, saying ‘We are not the body, nor the senses and
so on’, to reach what remains as the ultimate reality, but we
are trying to find out whence the ‘I-thought’ or the ego arises
within us. The method contains within it, though implicitly
and not expressly, the watching of the breath. When we watch
where from the ‘I-thought’ arises, we are necessarily watching
the source of breath also, as the ‘I-thought’ and the breath arise
from the same source.
Breath control may do as an aid but can never by itself
lead to the goal. While doing it mechanically, take care to be
alert in mind and to remember the ‘I- thought’ and the quest
for its source. Then you will find that where the breath sinks,
there the ‘I-thought’ arises. They sink and arise together. The
‘I-thought’ will also sink along with the breath.
Simultaneously another luminous and infinite ‘I-I’ will
emerge, and it will be continuous and unbroken. That is the
goal. It goes by different names - God, Self, Kundalini, Shakti,
Consciousness, etc.
Who am I?’ is not a mantra. It means that you must find
out where in you the ‘I-thought’ arises, which is the source of
all other thoughts. But if you find that vichara marga(path of inquiry) is too hard for you, you go on repeating ‘I-I’ and
that will lead you to the same goal. There is no harm in using
‘I’ as a mantra. It is the first name of God.
I ask you to see where the ‘I’ arises in your body; but it is
not really quite correct to say that the ‘I’ rises from and merges
in the Heart on the right side of the chest. The Heart is another
name for the Reality, and it is neither inside nor outside the
body. There can be no in and out for it, since It alone is. I
do not mean by ‘Heart’ any physiological organ, any plexus
of nerves or anything like that, but so long as one identifies
oneself with the body and thinks he is the body, he is advised
to see in the body where the ‘I-thought’ rises and merges again.
It must be the Heart at the right side of the chest, since every
man of whatever race and religion and in whatever language
he may be saying ‘I’, points to the right side of his chest to
indicate himself. This is true all over the world. So that must
be the place. And by keenly watching the emergence of the
‘I-thought’ on waking and its subsiding in sleep, one can see
that it is in the Heart on the right side.
First know who you are. This requires no sastras(scripture)
or scholarship. This is simple experience. The state of being
is now and here all along. You have lost hold of yourself and
are asking others for guidance. The purpose of philosophy is
to turn the mind inward. “If you know yourself, no evil can
come to you. Because you asked me I have told you this” (see
Kaivalya Navaneeta). The ego comes up only holding you (the
Self). Hold yourself and the ego will vanish. Until then the
sage will be happy saying, ‘There is’, and the ignorant will
be asking, ‘Where?’
Regulation of life, such as getting up at a fixed hour,
bathing, doing mantra-japa, etc., all this is for people who do
not feel drawn to Self-inquiry, or are not capable of it. But for
those who can practice this method all rules and disciplines
are unnecessary.
Undoubtedly it is said in some books, that one should go
on cultivating one good quality after another and thus prepare
for moksha; but for those who follow the jnanaor vichara
marga, their sadhana is itself quite enough for acquiring all
daivic(divine) qualities; they need not do anything else.
What is Gayatri? It really means ‘Let me concentrate on
That which illumines all’.
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